You can tell how easy a girl is based on how often she applies lip gloss: Brandon Zequera Talks Love

So a reporter from outside Byron City is a follower of our site, and decided to interview one of our most frequent posters. For reasons I can’t begin to understand, she chose to interview Brandon Zequera on his thoughts about love and dating. I’ve posted the interview below.

Brandon Zequera, Byron City Resident.

1. If a girl (a stranger) wants to start a conversation with you, out of nowhere, what do you think would be the best way for her to approach you?

Ok, so I’m a simple guy and am easy to talk to. Just come up and start talking! Like, talk about my guitar skills, talk about how you like my voice, ask if you can buy my album on iTunes, anything really. I like getting to know new people. Just don’t start gabbing about you out of nowhere. Especially if I’m trying to sleep. Yuck.

2. If a girl asks you out on a date, instead of you asking her, are you comfortable with that or does it break the rules for you?

I’m totally into forward girls. As long as you’re hot. If not, then maybe don’t be so forward.

3. What is the first thing you notice about a girl?

Whether she’s hot or not. And her intelligence level: if she’s reading a book, I’m turned off. Reading a magazine, I’m sold.

I also count how many times she puts lip-gloss on. It tells me how easy it will be to take her home. Two times in an hour is ok. Three or more times tells me she most likely dropped out of college to go to beauty school and has a butterfly ankle tattoo or something, meaning she’s basically already in the bag.

4. Do you care about age? (If you do, explain why)

I’m a sensitive kind of guy, and I think all women are beautiful. That being said, old saggy ladies I generally don’t go for, and I’m cool with young chicks, as long as they tell me they’re 18. They don’t HAVE to be 18, just tell me you are, and we’ll be fine.

5. What values do you look for in a girl?


6. What do you expect from a girl in a relationship? (Her cooking for you, taking care of your pet, stuff like that)

I’m all for women’s rights, so I don’t expect women to have to take care of men. Equal partners you know? And most women I’m with don’t seem to care that I never do dishes, don’t own a mop or broom, don’t have a checking account, only wear flip flops, have multiple pictures on FB where I flip off the camera, and am too emotionally fragile to commit to a relationship, so it works out.

7. How long do you think it takes you to fall in love?

Oh wow, now that’s a question! It can be minutes or years. In my case, I can usually tell in seconds if I’m in love with a girl or not, and it usually happens two or three times a week. It’s when they start asking me to do stuff for them that I start to fall out of love. Sigh, love is a fickle thing, am I right?

8. Can a girl be too honest?

No way, I love honest girls, just as long as they don’t start snooping around my stuff, like my text messages. Or facebook messages. Or OK Cupid messages. Not that I have an OK Cupid account. I’m just saying, respect my boundaries.

9. What is your opinion on long-distance relationships?

They are the best! All the benefits of a real relationship without the girl expecting you to spend too much time with her. And you can have as many as you want, as long as they’re not in the same zip code (cuz that would be cheating), and as long as you don’t mix their names up when texting.

10. Do you think love at first sight is possible?

Totally! Like I said, it happens to me 2 or 3 times a week. Love at first sight DOES happen. But usually not when you’re old and gross. That usually takes years, and even then it’s the old and complicated kind of love you see in boring movies. I’ll take love at first sight any day, thank you.

11. What does true love means to you?

True love is like stars that always shine, a moon that always glows, a smile that never fades, and knowing that you’re mine. It’s dreaming of you when I sleep and thinking of you when I’m awake. It’s hurting when you’re when you’re away and flying in your wake. Those are the lyrics I wrote to one of my songs. Like it? I don’t know what it means, but it totally melts girls’ panties off.

12. What is your favorite place to hang out with your love interest?

At my shows, definitely. And in my room. Or your car. I’m not picky. You have a car, right? Cuz I might need a ride once in awhile.

13. Is it weird if a girl texts you on a Friday night?

Pssh, no. Unless I’ with another girl, and then you’ll have to wait until I go to the bathroom to get a response.

14. Do you believe in marriage?

Of course. Marriage is beautiful. I can’t wait until I find that girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m just scared that it might start to suck a few years in and then we’ll have to get divorced or I’ll have to start having affairs or something. I would hate to see it come to that.

15. Do you believe in living together before marriage?

You know, do whatever works for you. If you want to wait until marriage to live together, that’s cool. If you want to wait until your divorce is final before sleeping with me, I respect that, too. Let’s have a few more drinks and talk about it.

16. If a girl says she wants to stay a virgin until marriage, would it bother you? 

That’s cool, then we’ll just lie in my bed or the back seat of your car and talk and drink margaritas until you’re ready. Like I said, I’m easy.

17. What do you think would be the perfect marriage?

The perfect marriage: when my band makes it big, she holds the fort down with our kids and 15 stray dogs that we’ve rescued, and waits for me until I come home, and when I do come home she’s all excited to see me, makes me a big meal while I talk all about my tour, we make love all night, and then she sends me off on my tour the next day. And she doesn’t have anyone else over cuz that would not be cool. I pursue my dreams of being a rock star, and she pursues her dreams of being married to a rock star. You know, like I said earlier, men and women are equals.


18. Would you settle with Mrs. Good Enough if you haven’t been able to find Mrs. Right?

Yea, sure. I mean, I meet plenty of girls who are good enough all the time, so why not? I’m not picky.

You can follow the reporter Iselle at her own blog here:

Yup. Easy.

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